NEGATIVE ENERGY: WED 1.05.2011 EVE

NEGATIVE ENERGY:  WED 1.05.2011 EVE

CREW:  RANDY
TIME:  1330 -1500, 1.5 hrs..
WIND:  Offshore, slightly side shore
WATER:  Going mid to low tide, cold but sunny, shallow on the inside, crowded with rippers, head high to overhead, walled with some corners to pick out, barreling if you were good enough for them.

    Randy came over at about noon.  I had to break the news to him about what happened to the JSI.  I saw the look of disappointment on his face.  I explained what happened.  He said, “The rule of thumb is to NEVER ditch your board because it could come back and hit you, and it could hit the guy behind you.  You can still duckdive eight to ten foot waves.”  Fuck, I thought to myself.  I felt like that wave was too big for me.  I was mad at myself, and I felt like shit.  If there has ever been anyone that had a huge influence on me, it’s my big brother, and I hate to ever let him down.  Lesson learned.  He said that the damage was done in the worst spot because my heel will be on that area, and that the board won’t last long.  I immediately got on the horn and asked Rick for a late birthday present to do some fiberglass augmentation.  He told me to let it dry out and bring it by.  I’m so lucky to have those guys around. 

    My brother missed out on the morning sesh, so it wasn’t long before we were out again.  On the way to Porto we took a look at Hammers.  We saw a perfect, barreling, left come rolling through.  He said, “Right there, I want to surf that wave!”  We went to the Grand lot and parked at the meters.  I forgot that the meters there are only good for an hour and a half.  There were already a lot of surfers there; some were struggling with the parking pass machines.  I sent a courtesy text to Shan, then we walked to Hammers and watched the waves.  There were a lot of people at the point, and we saw guys getting barreled but not making it out.  Despite the crowd, it looked like we would have a chance if we sat on the shoulder; the smaller waves actually had better shape, but there were still a lot of walls.  I didn’t feel good about being on the sand again with the Merrick.  That board just felt so huge, especially since I’ve been testing out the JSI lately.  The water was unexpectedly shallow, which made the paddle out fairly short.  Guys were perched at the peak and actually making the barrels.  The cool thing about the peak was that it was still producing long rides, even without the set.  Randy got some rides, but he didn’t feel like competing with the crowd at the peak, so he sat a little north of it.  There was an old timer with long gray hair getting some good barrel rides.  I had the best show in the house.  Everyone let that guy through and gave him respect.  He was with a younger guy that was getting barreled, too.  They had a water cameraman in the mix with them.  There were people on the shore watching alongside with the lifeguards.  Me … I wasn’t catching shit.  I was so far from the peak that I was close to a right hand peak.  There were some waves that I went for that were too walled; the low tide was to blame.  I went for my first wave, a right, and I got pitched over before I could even attempt a pop up.  I’m not sure how many people saw that.  Next, I paddled for what looked like a workable left shoulder, and I got pounded again.  I got really passive at that point.  I still wasn’t over the disappointment of what happened in the morning.  I felt like I was on the wrong board for those conditions; but in reality, I was the wrong surfer for those conditions.  Only good surfers were out there.  They were all competing at that peak.  My brother told me that some guys were arguing because someone got dropped in on. 

    I finally caught a left.  The waves were deceiving.  Even though I was sitting at the shoulder, they would jack up and get bigger as I paddled for them.  I just remember dropping in, being grateful for sticking the drop, looking up at the crashing lip, then straightening out to avoid oblivion.  After that wave I wiped out one more time.  A rogue wave came.  Every surfer was paddling to the outside.  That one younger guy that was being filmed was the only guy to go for that wave.  What ability, I thought.  It was a huge wall, a straight closeout, and he still paddled into it just to get a shot of him in the barrel.  He emerged after the explosion like it was nothing.  Amazing.

    I was over it, and so was my brother.  After an hour and a half we left.  I just wasn’t feeling it.  I was already defeated before I paddled out there.  The conditions didn’t seem right, except at the peak which was too crowded.  Negative feelings ran through me.  I felt like I was outclassed, I didn’t belong out there, I was a coward for not going for those waves, I sat on the outside like a bitch, and I wasn’t good enough to get those waves. I felt like a pure Barney, like I regressed back to day one of fucking surfing.  I was so ashamed that I didn’t paddle in where the lifeguard tower was.  I tucked my tail and paddled further north (away from everyone) before I went back to the shore. 

    I’m still upset with myself now.  Randy said I could take the 6’2 hand me down that he gave me tomorrow if I don’t like the Merrick.  I hope I can redeem myself tomorrow, at least a little.  Oh, and I talked to Shan.  He said he got a five second tube ride at the jetty, and that he was there at 1500.   He showed up just as we left.  Oh well.  Next time.