Beater Beatings

Bruh...so I did end up paddling out after the last post. I couldn't help myself. I was already having myself a loser day, being unproductive, and I wasn't in the mood to write, so I headed to El Porto for an afternoon session. Surprisingly, it was damn near offshore with just a light variable wind. It was a hot and humid day, and the water was crystal clear and glassy with a dropping tide. However, one major thing was missing...shape. Fuckin' A, I can't say it was flat, boring, or stagnant. In fact, the sets were pretty juicy and easily shoulder high. I don't know if it's just the south swell not hitting the South Bay right or bad sandbars, but, no matter how some waves looked like they had shoulders, they would just race and dump on the inside. I mean, straight up Dump Rider Crew status. Despite how printing the conditions were, it was hard to catch anything with a resemblance of a shoulder. Even the small in-between-set insiders were running away. My Beater, as fun as it is, can only do so much when the surf is closing out. But I was on a Beater, wasn't I, a fucking sponge. So I hit the "fuck-it button" and started going for glory. Yeah, I was going for everything--the bombs, the closeouts. It was nice knowing that I was on a board of no consequence to my weathered face. And even when I had to bail under the lip, sinking the Beater is no problem, but an awkward wipeout is still an awkward wipeout, so I had to take care not to break my neck on the sand.

My best wave was a right that actually stayed open, but of course some guy had to drop in on me. Then a chick dropped in on him and was like, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" And the dude was like, "No worries." Meanwhile, I'm thinking, Really? Where's the consideration for the first guy who got bagged?

Well, I don't want to be that guy who gets into fights in the lineup, but sometimes I feel like I'm justified to talk some shit. Yet, I'm was a surfing a purple Beater that has a unicorn and a rainbow on the bottom of it. I guess I wouldn't take anyone seriously who's on such a surf craft.

So now I'm sitting here at Churches, having been skunked during the choppy morning sesh. But upon returning from My breakfast at Sonic, I see that conditions have cleaned up. The wind has died and the chop is gone. Aside from a high tide, conditions are pristine. Now I just have to decide if I'm riding the Beater or Puddle Jumper.

Has to be More Than Just Waves

            What do you really want out of surfing? Catching waves can’t be your whole world because there are days when there are no waves, or the waves suck, or the lineup is just too fucking crowded to get one wave alone.

            Yesterday morning I sat in the El Porto parking lot, after already checking 26^th and 33^rd Street, and had to have the internal debate on whether or not I’d be paddling out or going back home. I had already looked at the Surfline cam before rolling out of bed (and thank you, Surfline, for over hyping the forecast) and knew that the surf sucked. Still, I was there looking at pretty decent energy rolling into the South Bay but no shape at all to go along with it.

            Making the dawn patrol takes some commitment, doesn’t it? To wake up, pack a hot-water jug, load all your equipment, and make that drive to the beach. It’s like packing for a short airplane trip, but we never expect to come home without ever boarding the plane. These dawn patrols take time, and when we don’t paddle out, it’s time we don’t get back. We could’ve just stayed in bed and slept for an extra hour, worked on that story or novel you’ve been meaning to finish, read, workout, or just do whatever else you have to take care of during your precious time. TIME. My old platoon sergeant used to say that there’s nothing more precious than a soldier’s time.

            Yesterday, I said fuck it and paddled out with zero expectation, and as much as I’d like to set you up for a feel-good post about surfing crap being better than not surfing at all, I’m not going there. I knew the surf was shit, and it’s hard to turn a closeout into a legit stoke. Yeah, the water felt nice, the sun was warm on my face, and I could also hear the ripper in the lineup yell, “Fuck!” in frustration to every closeout he got. Even on my Beater, I didn’t fare much better, catching 2 inside waves that actually had shape for a short distance. Yet, the decision I made was conscious. All I wanted to do was get wet, and I got just that. A few tiny waves as a bonus? Sure. But to me it was an hour worth spending, and when I got home I still had time to do all my extra shit for the day.

            On this very morning I made the same dawn patrol but didn’t pull the trigger. What I want out of surfing wasn’t there for me today, for just the activity of getting wet had already been satisfied yesterday. This morning was even more gorgeous than yesterday: sunny, warm, offshore, inviting, uncrowded but with the same lackluster shape. Sure, there were plenty of guys out. I’m sure some got lucky and got decent rides, but the overall wave-lotto odds weren’t good to begin with.

There has to be a balance. If it’s crap, don’t force it, at least not two days in a row. You need it that bad, set yourself up for a day trip; hit the road and go where it’s firing. Or save yourself for when the dawn patrol actually works out. It will eventually. When it does, surf your fucking brains out. There are excuses not to surf when it’s crap, but none when it’s good in your backyard. That’s when you’ve got to be on it. Hold yourself to that. 

Catch Surf Beater Review

            Why was it so hard to find a legitimate review for one of these things online? For the most part, I either found videos or websites just restating the summary of what the Catch Surf Beater is made for, or just another repeat of specifications and dimensions. On Youtube, I only found video of either pros shredding on them or amateurs doing their best impressions of the pros. Regardless of now knowing for sure how these Beaters ride, I still couldn’t help but buy one anyway.

            What did I expect? I’m a sucker for Kalani Robb’s videos getting barreled on a Beater in shorepounding beach break. Other sponsored Catch Surf Pros also make the Beater look fun by doing airs and 360s on them. I became a little suspicious in how the ratio of good Beater performance videos vs bad ones are out there, and now I know the reason.

            During my first session out at my local beachbreak, I was hit with a nasty reality check. In waist to chest high consistent windswell, I was not Kalani-Robb like at all. If my weight was too far back, I instantly sunk my Beater. Too far forward, instant purl. Timing was an issue. I blew so many late takeoffs, even one with my mouth open, which caused me to swallow a Manhattan Beach Martini. Even then, my first session on this board was a long one, and even though I ate it terribly, it was the few waves that I did make that gave me just enough stoke to want to stick with it. In more detail, I got a punchy left where I was able to just pump and do a few floaters all the way to the inside. It’s like, you can’t just pop up and pump away to set yourself up like on a normal shortboard, but, if anything, the Beater will just kind of go where the wave wants it to. You, as the surfer/performer, must harness this energy and steer this thing in the best line possible to get the best ride that you can.

            Second session, I tried this thing without fins on, and you can call me a barney, but, fuckin’ A, the Beater was just too loose finless. I mean, I took it back out on a small ass day, local again, and the board was sliding all crazy like while popping up. Even with I did get up, the board just wanted to spin out. It was too hard. Reality check number 2—I need the fins.

            Third session is really what did it for me. At tiny ass Churches in San Clemente, over a cobblestone point for the first time, this board was absolutely fun in low tide, clean and peaky, thigh-high surf. Actually riding waves with shape opened up the Beater to a whole new realm of fun and stoke. I sat inside of the longboarders and was catching all the waves that they didn’t want, for sure the shortboarders didn’t give those waves so much as a glance, and yet there I was, going down the line, making sections with pumps and floaters. On my backhand going right, I was able to pump high and draw a highline all the way to the inside for long rides, even getting away with partial hang fives.

            The negatives so far about this board is that, at least for an intermediate surfer, it’s really hard to turn. When I say turn, I mean “turn” like how you would a standard shortboard. Forget about putting the Beater on rail on the bottom turn to set up for a major hack. Trust me, you will BURY the rail. Don’t even think about cutbacks. This piece of surf craft does not work that way. Since that session at Churches, I’ve taken this board out a few more times, and I’ve also realized that if the surf is big enough for your regular shortboard, then you shouldn’t be on the Beater because you’ll be shortchanging yourself. Why force the Beater to perform when your other boards are waiting and meant for that better surf? I read a lot of articles, people considering purchasing a Beater for travel in order to beat the airline fees. Even I considered this at one point, but in reality, if you’re traveling to a place with decent surf, you’ll be better off surfing a real surfboard versus a Beater. Perhaps if you’re traveling somewhere where the surf is small or crappy, it would be worth it, but that doesn’t even sound like a surf trip to begin with. Who travels for crappy waves?

            The positives about this board…it can turn a shitty and small day fun. Even upon taking this board out on bigger days, the rides that I got were so rewarding, even though I wasn’t getting any legit turns or snaps. At Churches, for instance, small waves with a little bit of shape are just absolute fun. While watching shortboarders trying to force good rides and make their boards over perform what the conditions were actually allowing, the Beater excelled by just getting down the line and doing fun floaters. Also, in small waves, since the Beater itself is small, it makes the wave feel bigger.

            Things to adjust to…First off, people will be giving you some awkward looks, especially if you have the model I have with the unicorn and rainbows. Some locals I know asked if I was riding my nephew’s board or something, and of course there were gay jokes. In the lineup, heads will turn to see “what the hell is that guy riding”. Back to turns, I’ve managed a few that I’d reclass in calling them “check snaps” because you can’t just do a full legit arc on the face. Again, this board doesn’t work like that. You’ll need to adjust your timing. If you’re too late, then you’re pretty much bodyboarding the wave. If you do make the late drop, the pumping mechanics on this board are different from a regular shortboard, so you’ll miss the section. You have to get into the wave early and by all means not late at all. Don’t expect this board to catch every single wave with ease. Remember, 54 inches is still not a lot of length to work with, so it won’t grab as many waves as a Costco foamie, but catching small waves are still doable with good paddling, positioning, and timing.

            So is it worth it? To me, absolutely, but with the clear realization that this is a novelty board that should be used in sub-stellar conditions. On a shitty morning, if I can already tell that I won’t so much as get a turn on my groveler, then I’m whipping out the Beater. It at least gives me that new option quiverwise. For the first time, I can pretty much paddle out even if the surf looks like shit and know I have the right board for it, which means I can be in the water more than before I made this investment. For a pic of my Beater, see my Instagram link.