Wednesday, December 31, 2014

BLINDSIDED, WED 24DEC2014



Loc: El Porto (45th)
Time: 0645-0845
Conditions: 4-6 FT+, mid tide, consistent, freak rogues.
Board: 5’9 Motorboat Too

     Given yesterday’s lackluster session, and having missed out on surfing with the WHC on Sunday, I made sure not to miss them for Christmas Eve. As much as I want to surf at my favorite local break, I have to put in some time with Rick, Gar, and the rest of their crew.

     Text threads had already been abused the night before about the plan to surf 45th this morning. Before Bri and I even exit El Segundo, Rick already sends the text that he’s parked in the lower lot.

     The offshores are strong this morning. With a pre-0700 check-in time, the dawn’s still dark with a deathly chill. Winter is upon us, no doubt.

     With the morning tide finally more manageable, the waves aren’t as mooshy as they’ve been. In fact, they’re breaking a bit fast with the mid tide, but it only looks four-feet tops. Bri and I change while Rick and Dave T rush the sand. We catch Gary parking on the way out.

     The lot. . . I can’t speak enough about how I am not a local at Porto anymore. I’ve probably lost that card a couple of years ago. Some of the diehards I still recognize. Whiffle Boy sits next to the meter on the concrete wall, baseball cap on underneath the lamp light, watching the surf before he changes. The two Asian dudes who got into a fistfight early this year are here, too.

     The water’s pushing a little high up on the sandbank when Bri and I reach it. Dave and Rick are making their way out. The idea of a long paddle feels sketchy, especially since the waves are breaking a little bit bigger than they had looked from the lot.

     I give Bri a kiss, tell her to be careful, and dart towards the water. I make it to the lineup fast, only getting my hair wet on one duckdive before reaching the outside.

     Rick paddles into a four-foot left in front of 40th. Already, he’s on a wave with good shape. Water gets thrown out the back from one of his turns, the offshore spraying it up even higher. Dave makes for the same take-off spot where Rick had got his.

     The both of us are frustrated. As the sky brightens from purple to pink, more cars are pulling into the lot. I paddle into a right, ditching the pig-dog attempt to penetrate out the back of the wall. Resurfacing, Dave catches a closeout left, doing the same.

     I check on Bri. She’s chatting it up with Rick just north of us in the lineup.

     Next wave, I pull into a left, but I’m late. Closeout barrel it is. If I had a chance to make it out, it doesn’t matter because Rick snakes me on the open face, or shall I say that he had better position regardless.

     The lineup’s more crowded. I take off too deep again eating shit on the face. Not sure what happened. The water just kind of bounced up or I had hit a chop, but I fall like a noob while some other guy takes off on the shoulder. Resurfacing, a rogue wave sprouts up in the distance. We’re all caught, but it’s a makeable wave, so I use some muscle to duckdive it.

     I check Bri again. She’s caught inside. The roguer has friends following behind it. Bri takes a beating. It takes a while, but she makes it back out.

     Bri’s not having an easy day. More walls stand up, bigger than the waves had been in the morning, and Bri constantly finds herself in the impact zone. On one, Dave and I hold our breaths as we watch and wait for her to resurface.

     On the next rogue wave, I duckdive, and the power of the wave just yanks the board out of my grip. Immediately after, I feel the tension release from my ankle. Broken leash.

     Now I’m that idiot who’s swimming in to shore. I’ve never appreciated how dangerous being in the impact zone can be without a board, but I’m quickly given a lesson when I’m pulled under from the whitewash. I’m so tired I’m sidestroking in. Somehow, I make it back to shore with speed. Some guy on the inside pushes my board towards me before I get out. I say thanks and head to the car for a replacement.

#

     The lineup’s fucking crowded now, like something you’d see in a movie. Camera guys on the shore. Bri’s with the main pack, scratching for the smaller in-between waves, but I know those won’t break. Only the bigger ones will if you’re sitting outside. I’m out for blood. I need to redeem myself, but little do I know that my ego’s about to get checked once more.

     Bri tries to go for one of those little ones again. I want to tell her it won’t break, but I need her own surf process to take place. She doesn’t need me nagging her. When I turn around and look towards the outside, there’s a wall standing up.

     “Outside,” I tell her, as I make a calm but purposeful paddle to beat the wave. Watching it get closer, I know I’m not gonna make it, but I try to time it so I’m not directly where the lip’s gonna fall. The wave looks big, but I convince myself that I can muscle through it, maybe get dragged back a little at worse.

     The wave breaks about ten yards in front of me. I duckdive the stampeding white wash and just get trampled underwater and sucked down below. It’s violent. Not what I had expected.

     You’re supposed to be calm in these situations. I try. I tread water with my arms and kick my legs to get to the surface, but the pressure in my earplugs keep pushing further into my head with a squeaking sound. I’m far from shore, but I reach for the sand with my foot and actually touch bottom. After pushing myself up, light starts to filter through my eyelids. Dark horror. The whole time I’m thinking, Please God don’t let there be another wave behind this.

     I reach the surface, air starved. I look for Bri. She pops up just a moment after me. If I’m hurting I know she is.

     “Are you okay?” I say.

     She looks at me and says, “I have no business being out here.”

     I look out the back. The next wave is just as big and menacing. The offshore wind makes white veins that ripple up the curling face.

     “I’m going back,” says Bri, as she turns her board around.

     I have the keys to the car, so I have to turn around, too. Truth is, I have every instinct to bail as well.

     The second beating’s not so bad. I get rolled and eventually catch a belly ride to shore. The incoming tide is already pushing up against the rocks. To my left, someone’s board’s crashing up on the rocks. Done deal, I’m thinking. With the damage done, I stumble for the clearing, but two guys on the rocks are yelling at me to grab the board. I do. When I reach the sand, they’re waving at some guy who’s struggling to swim back to shore. I hold his board for him and watch him get out. As he approaches, I notice cherry-red blood oozing from his mouth and dripping from his chin.

     “Thanks,” he says. He inspects his board and groans at the site of the smashed nose.

     The shoreline is littered with surfers. Whoever didn’t make that wave is now on the shore, waiting for the set to finish. Even Charlie, a local heavy, is getting out of the water. He turns to his buddy and says, “I’ve got the wrong board. That new swell is showing up and. . .”

     So it’s not just me. Even the guy who had handed me my leashless board is on the sand with me, debating on going back in.

#

     There are numerous reasons why we push ourselves, and I can name a few this morning. One, I have to paddle back out because my homies are out there, older Venice vets, and I can’t bitch out and just say something like, “It was too big.” If I don’t challenge myself, I don’t learn, and even though a line must be drawn somewhere between pushing myself and stupidity, I’m hoping that I’m using good judgment.

     Two, I haven’t caught one fucking good wave yet, and I can’t leave the surf without a good wave. Sometimes, one good wave, just one, can make the difference between a horrible session and a decent one. I know I just need a good ride to make this whole morning worth it.

     Back outside, I lose Gary. Not sure where he is. Dave and I cross paths a few times. Rick more than anyone else is a constant back-and-forther. This really is his spot.

     I have a chance at a right, but a bodyboarder on my inside gets it, even calls me off of it. Well, it was his wave, but I was hoping he’d back out. I usually don’t surf like this, but I’ve been having a bad morning, and I’m desperate at this point.

     And then there’s the fear. I keep looking out back, ensuring that I’m not drifting too close to the inside, waiting for that monster rogue wave to roll through again. Apprehensive to work the lineup, I stay in my spot.

     Tyler comes out in shorts and a rashguard. Might be a spring suit, but he’s on his longboard living up to his legendary status. An entourage watches him from the sand. He and Rick chat it up.

     I struggle. Struggling goes to hating myself, and then there’s the dark side.

     My last wave is an inside right. I expect it to close, but it reforms, holding shape for me to get two backhand snaps. It’s not good enough to reclaim the session.

     Emphatically defeated, I rinse my board in the shower. Bri’s on the sand talking to the photographer. Some chick with a bunch of stickers on her board talks with them, probably sponsored. I walk up like an unfriendly dick and demand my car key.

     Bri knows I’m frustrated, so she lets me stew in my shit while I change. Before pulling out of the lot, I watch the surf and see that it’s getting better. No more rogue waves. The higher tide is producing rippable head high inside waves. Out in front of the tanks, a right is barreling and holding shape. Either the surf has been like this the whole time and I suck, or the surf is just improving. I wouldn’t doubt the former being my case.

#

     Later on that day, and for the next days to follow, I tell everyone about this session, and they can’t believe it. Klaude had surfed Venice and said it was three-feet tops. Orlando will say that he had surfed 26th Street and that it wasn’t big at all. It just goes back to what I had said earlier. El Porto. I’m not a local here anymore. If I was, I would’ve known.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

THE SWAMPS, TUE 23DEC2014


 
Loc: Manhattan Beach (26th Street)
Time: 0700-0900
Conditions: 2-3 FT, high tide, inconsistent, mooshy.
Board: 5’9 Motorboat Too

     Looking back, I can’t remember much of this session. I know I had heard that Monday had been fun, so I was hoping that Tuesday would deliver.

     Bri and I started off the session just south of the 26th Street Tower, where we evaded the main crowd. Even though most of the locals here are cool, I didn’t want to have to paddle battle it with anyone, especially if there was an empty gap somewhere else in the lineup. From what I can remember, Bri did much better than I did. Frustrated, I paddled further south to get away from as many people as possible. Random lefts would sprout up, but either I was too deep or just out of position to get any of them. Even though I did get some waves, none are memorable. It was a lackluster session that lowered expectations for the next days to come.

Monday, December 22, 2014

LOSING PRIORITY, SUN 21DEC2014



Loc: Manhattan Beach (33rd Street)

Time: 0700-0900

Conditions: 4-5 FT, high tide, walled, offshore, inconsistent.

Board: 6’0 Lost Mini Driver

     With the NWN swell peaking today, Bri opts to sleep in. “The forecast says it’s big,” she says. I tell her that the high tide should make it manageable, but at the same time I don’t want her to get hurt, too. If she’s worried about the size, who am I to push her?

     The plan had been to surf 33rd at first light. Of course, I’m late once more. I get a series of texts from Gary and Rick. Gary’s already parked and watching 33rd. Rick says he’s going to paddle out at Rosecrans. When I reach Rosecrans, I catch Dave T walking out of the bathroom.

     “Where’s Rick?” I say.

     He points out front. They’re paddling out at Rosecrans. I tell him that I’m meeting Gary by 33rd and that I’ll link up with them later. But when I reach 33rd, only one guy is out. After paddling out, the current takes me south to the edge of the brick house. I’m almost at 26th Street, where I would’ve paddled out solo.

     I had told Klaude that I’d be at 33rd, so I hope he won’t go there for nothing. No Gary, no Russ, but I realize that it’s my fault. Wherever those guys are, I’m late. First light is when the “horn goes off,” and I missed the start of the heat. After that, there’s no guarantee where anyone will be. Once you miss it, anything goes. They could be at Rosecrans with Rick or maybe in the pack at 26th.

     From the brick house on south, a lot of heads are in the water. I avoid mixing in with them and hold my position north at 30th Street. Don K paddles over to escape the crowd as well.

     It takes a while to catch anything, and I blow my first right, eating shit from the bumpy high-tide take off. After a while I catch a three-turn right, but the ride sells the spot. People start paddling over and crowding me.

     My next two waves are left-hand closeout barrels. I get pinched on the first just behind the shoulder. Reflecting on it, I need to start muscling my way out of those. The second is just a big closeout, but it feels good bottom turning and pumping up right underneath the curtain, just setting myself up for the slot. I get swallowed up by the lip, but it’s nothing serious, and it’s worth the womping.

     Back at Rosecrans, Russ is at the top of the stairs. He looks down and says, “Where were you hiding?”

     I tell him my debacle, how I went to 33rd late and missed everyone. “Where’s your dad?” I say.

     He points to him at Rosecrans. Gary, Dave T, and Rick are still out there.

     I tell him to say hi to his dad for me, go back to the car, and change. Back home, I tell Bri that the surf was manageable and that I had seen some longboarders out there. She’s already started her day writing, so maybe it’s good that she’s skipped today.   

     Then the texts start coming in. Sounds like all the guys had fun at Rosecrans. I should have been there. From now on, I need to start showing up on time.

LOCAL SATURDAYS, SAT 20DEC2014



Loc: Manhattan Beach

Time: 0700-0900

Conditions: 4 FT, high tide, walled, offshore, mooshy.

Board: 5’9 Motorboat Too

     Bri decides to surf this morning. She says that she hasn’t been surfing so much because it’s been big and also because I, her lifeline, haven’t been here. I’m stoked to dawn patrol it early on a Saturday when I’ll get to see all the locals.

     Walking past the metered lot, I already spot Orlando and his long Rastafarian hair as he’s bullshitting with some guys parked next to him.

     With this high-tide funk in the mornings, it’s another swampy situation today. The waves look weak and soft. Pretty lame. But for waves to still break through this tide says a lot for the swell energy. The sets come in lined up and walled but mooshy. The Marine Tower has the best shape, but it’s dominated by a bunch of Standup Paddlers.

     Bri and I choose a spot away from the crowd, just south of everyone. Right when we get to the lineup, I get a left. Paddling into waves on this board feels different with its short length and low rocker, but it turns much tighter. I bottom turn into a tight wrap-around cutback, but the wave fizzles out shortly after.

     Out back, Bri takes the second wave. She’s caught a little bit behind the section, and she decides to straighten out and dismount. She could have maybe held her line and made it to the open face, but I’m working on not being a dick so much. The old me would have said something, but . . . why push it? I just want her to have fun and not feel judged.

     The rest of my waves are too soft, and after each wave, Bri is on the one behind it. Her NSP funboard is the perfect surf craft for days like these. She even catches waves all the way inside, covering more distance in one wave than all my waves combined.

     Orlando spots us. He paddles over and asks how Japan was. I fill him in. He invites Bri and me to the 26th Street Ohana camping trip in April. Of course, we accept.

     I also talk to Stocky Jon, Gene, and Jose.

     Pretty soon, the tide begins to shut everything down. Ironically, more surfers crowd our spot even though the surf is getting worse.

     Walking back to the car, Vietnam Mike stops us at the stairs with a metal container in hand. “You gotta try these,” he says. Inside are chocolate chip cookies. They’re really good. Bri’s stoked, too. What a way to end a session. It’s great being a local.

BACK TO THE SPOT, FRI 19DEC2014



Loc: Manhattan Beach

Time: 0945-1145

Conditions: 4 FT+, mid tide, walled, light onshore.

Crew: Klaude

Board: 6’0 Lost Mini Driver

     After our annual DRC Christmas Dinner last night, Dais, KK, and I make plans to meet at our local break at 0930 when the tide goes down a little.

     At 0915 I get a Vox from Klaude. He’s on the way. I’m still at home, closing up shop and heading to the garage. Despite Friday’s cluster fuck for parking, I score one of my favorite spots. I imagine KK’s already out, but he drives by and tries to bust a bitch to snag a spot right by me. Before he can turn his car around, some other guy takes his spot. Klaude flicks the guy off and continues his search.

     A couple minutes later, he whistles at me from the top of the hill. I’m already changed, so I warm up in the shade and watch the surf. It looks soft and walled. No shape. I squint it out and try to make out some corners, but even that’s hard.

     I walk to the top of the hill where Klaude is locking up his car. There’s a cone next to the corner fire hydrant. I’ve been standing for a while, so I sit on it. When I place my hand on the hydrant, something feels wet. I look at my palm. It’s covered in yellow paint, and it’s also all over the back of my wetsuit.

     I show Klaude. He laughs his ass off.

     “Now at least I’ll always be able to spot you,” he says.

     Truth is, I’m embarrassed, but I change the subject and walk a little faster down the hill to the surf.

     It’s a sunny offshore morning with the sun nice and high. Sunblock mandatory. I spot a few locals who I haven’t seen in a while. There’s Costco Kim with her trademark boonie hat. Kurt’s also out. Don K. The King. Miles.

     I shoot a good morning to the locals and wait for some waves. Even though the shape is walled, I’m lucky enough to pick off a couple corners. My first wave is a right, and I get a backhand single-shot snap before it closes out. I paddle into a racy left, pump hard and long down the face, and manage a check turn off of the lip. My third wave is another frontside left. Behind the shoulder, I pull in and get a little swirly swirl action, small closeout tube. Feels good, but I’m getting greedy. I paddle back to Klaude.

     Little by little, the dropping tide makes the waves dredge more. A light onshore picks up. The waves start sucking out. I pull into another left. The face stands up and yawns over me. A grom going over the shoulder watches my indecisive move, as I pull in and straighten back out real quick. I don’t get clobbered by the lip, but in the flats, there’s no clean escape. Like yesterday, I’m dealt with another awkward hold down. I scratch my way to the surface, praying that there isn’t a second wave coming.

     Fuck. Lung power. So underestimated. You’d think that holding your breath over consistent months of surfing doesn’t account for much, but it does. My lungs need to retrain.

     KK and I let the current take us north in front of the brick house. Here, a little sandbar is working, and some of the lefts actually have racy shape. I pull into a couple more closeout tubes. I’m super late on one to the point that I have to grab rail to keep from purling. I get that swirl perspective and get pinched deep. I wonder if I could hold on a little stronger or do more in the tube to make it out of those.

     The inside gets treacherous with the dropping tide. Klaude’s caught on an inside rip and gets dragged south, damn near all the way to the tower.

     When he makes it back out, the surf turns choppy. He calls the next one in.

     The sesh was a bit lackluster, but we’re glad to have paddled out. High tide and swampy in the morning, low tide and sucked out towards noon. Either way, I need to get consistent again.

RETURN OF THE DUCK, THU 18DEC2014


 
Loc: Manhattan Beach (Rosecrans)

Time: 0700-0900

Conditions: 4 FT+, offshore, high tide, swampy.

Crew: Russ, Gary

Board: 6’0 Lost Mini Driver

     Upon landing at LAX Tuesday morning, I had been stuck in Tuesday for over 24 hours, meaning that I had flew back into time 17 hours, so I arrived in L.A. 8 hours before I had technically took off . . . on the same day. Think about that for a minute.

     So I was tired as shit. Tuesday I didn’t do anything but give my penis some relief and take a few naps. Bri was happy to have me home, and she doted over me. I missed that doting.

     There was no way I was surfing the following morning. I still felt like shit. Plus it had rained. Plus, the forecasts had shown that the surf’s been huge. It’s hard to get back into it after not surfing for three weeks, especially if my first paddle out would be a bit harrowing, definitely colder from the last time. I was a vegetable for a day once more before paddling back out.

#

The Return of The Duck:

     The plan was to meet Gary at Rosecrans at first light, but of course I’m late. Gotta get back into the groove. I’m off. There’s a puddle of water in my garage from the rain. It’s dank. Everything feels moist. My neighbor parked his truck in there, so there’s barely any room to maneuver. I go through my list, check it twice, make sure I have all my gear, and drive off.

     After scoring free parking on Highland, I head down the hill to meet the fellas. Everything needs getting used to once more. The cold morning air, the oily sunblock on my face, the cool sidewalk underneath my feet. A chill hits the back of my neck from the offshore breeze. The sky’s a light blue with streaks of pink clouds. Could be sunset but it’s sunrise. My world’s turned since I’ve been gone.

     The shoreline isn’t very familiar either. The high-tide swamp climbs the sandbank, nearly touching the lifeguard tower. I do a hasty warm up and hit the water. It’s much colder than I remember. Upon duckdiving, I realize that I’ve forgotten my earplugs. In full submersion, I can taste the water. It tastes like an ashtray.

     Gary turns around and waves. I wave back. Once I see Russ, he looks at his watch and shakes his head.

     “I know,” I say.

     The high tide makes the waves roll through like finger tips, not enough exposed to push the surfers into the waves. Every once in a while, a rogue wave sprouts up and extends out of the water just enough for a good ride, but most of them are walled.

     On a good note, my shoulders have never felt fresher. Usually they’re sore from all the consistent paddling, but right now, no pain.

     I mostly catch lefts. My turns feel sluggish from my quad setup. From the lack of shape, I bottom turn and pull a couple check turns off the lip just to get some kind of rotation and movement. One left sends me pumping down the line. The shoulder wedges up in front of me, and instead of pulling in, I try to go around it and get clobbered by the lip. Even though it’s high tide and unintimidating, there’s a lot of energy in the water. When I get sucked under, I’m held there longer than expected. My lungs are starved for air. It’s not even a big day, but usually I’m much more comfortable in these situations. Panicked, I fight my way back to the top and gasp for air. I’m nauseas.

     I get back to the lineup and play it off like everything’s all right, but I’m a little shaken.

     Gary and Russ take the first two waves of a set. I’m out of position for the third, so I duckdive it and go further out.

     Russ returns and says, “Fuck, thought I had that one, but the offshore held me up.” He turns around. “My dad still out there?”

     Gary’s caught inside for about ten minutes. Paddling like crazy, he’s in a weird rip.

     After a couple more waves they both head out. I surf a little longer, hoping to end the session with a good wave, but as the tide gets higher, the surf gets more inconsistent.

     Changing back at my car, traffic swooshes by right next to me. My hot-water bottle provides some relief, but I’m chilly again at the advent of undonning my wetsuit. Been a while. Gonna have to get used to all this again.

DRC Christmas party that evening
 

PRE-JAPAN SESSION (and Japan), SAT 22NOV2014


Loc: Manhattan Beach
Conditions: 3-4 FT+, consistent, open faces.
Board: 5’9 Motorboat Too

Pre Blog:

     I had originally meant to write this blog post while in Japan. I was going to interfuse this session together with my “Japan adventures,” but unfortunately, I spend most of my time in Japan working without much opportunity for sightseeing. That being said, I did get two nights off with my battle buddy, so I at least do have some pictures and things to write about but not much. So here I go, now trying to reflect on a surf session that took place nearly a month ago.


That Day Before I left:
 
     I had been on a good surf streak, a roll, and not just the physical activity of surfing but researching about board designs and fins. I had swapped out different sizes and different models, composites to signature series, even damaging boards along the process. I had to see my board guy twice for dings, even dropped off Christina’s blue Zippi with Rick for a cobblestone collision from Churches. Also, my layback snap was still a work in progress, and after all those things it really sucked to only have one more session, knowing that I’d be gone for three weeks.

     I didn’t expect the surf to be great, just average if anything. I would have been happy with that. Bri and I went to our local surf spot and met up with Klaude. A typical sunny pre-winter morning with the sun blinding everyone one the rights. I had my Motorboat Too because I expected the tide to be up and the waves to be spilling instead of barreling. With the recent board swaps, I realized that I didn’t have to keep my Motorboat Too on ice but that I had to really choose the right days to use it. Lost Mini Driver at the hint of anything throaty. MB Too for rippable days where a fish or a longboard isn’t necessary.

     Just a few things stand out in my memory. First, Bri was doing well, but she got cold into the second hour and headed back up the hill to change out early.

     Meanwhile, Klaude and I were trading off waves back and forth. It was an orgy of rides. I remember late take offs, stomping on the tail hard to keep my nose out from the flat rocker. No lefts come to mind, but my wave of the day is easy to remember. With Bri on the sand, a peak came my way. I was in perfect position for the right. Even though most of the waves were walled, this one came through with a good shoulder. Paddling late, I popped up and slid down the face, setting myself up with a bottom turn. I got my first snap, winded up, and got another. Into my third turn, I couldn’t believe that this wave was staying open this long. The fourth turn happened on the inside, and I fell on the reentry.

     Second best wave was a set-wave left. I dropped in, bottom turned, and pulled in underneath the lip. The conditions weren’t barreling that day, but there were some freak waves with size. Based on my recent progression in barrel attempts, I instinctually pulled into the tube. Not even on my barrel board, I was driving with the lip swirling over me. It was fast, but I held my line and got some distance. Of course, I didn’t make it out. I’m not that good at barrels yet, but I’m at least riding them better than I ever have before. Resurfacing, Don K, The King of 26th, was making his way out right by me.

     “You’re lucky to get one of those,” he said.

     I replied with my standard, “But I didn’t make it out.”

#

     Bri, Klaude, and I headed to Mandy’s in El Segundo for breakfast where Klaude gave me some useful phrases for Japan. Bri insisted that I learn more, but really, I wasn’t gonna absorb too much a day before flying out.

     “How do I say that I liked the food as I’m leaving a restaurant?” I asked.

     “Gochisousama deshita. And before eating, itadakimasu.”

     “What does that mean?”

     He laughed. “Literally, I am about to commence eating.” He put his hands together, bowed his head, and said it.

#

     It was a twelve hour direct flight to Narita Airport. Not an easy twelve hours either. I read my book, tried to watch some movies, but I was too restless. Couldn’t get comfortable for shit. With most of the people sleeping, I looked around. Everyone was watching Frozen. I haven’t seen that shit yet, but I heard it was good.

     I didn’t have a window seat, so I couldn’t see much when we landed, but I was still excited regardless. New destination. Wheels hitting the ground, I was officially in Japan.

     Customs wasn’t an issue, and once arriving outside with our bags, we already saw Americans holding up signs that read Yama Sakura, the military exercise that my buddy Dale and I were participating in.

     First thing I noticed was the cold. Fuck. No rain, no snow, but just fucking ice-chilling air hitting my face. They threw us on a bus and gave me a phone number for further direction.

     There was one dude and a couple with a baby. Dale and I sat in the back. Two and a half hour trip. I wanted to see as much as I could, but it was dark outside, the highway desolate with sparse pairs of red tail lights. Suddenly, there was a huge ass structure to our left way in the distance. A sign in green neon letters read AEON MALL. Another mile, and I realized that the structure we had seen was just the fucking parking lot. Now the building was even bigger and brighter with more colors.

     Apartment buildings lined the highway so closely that you could almost jump out and land in someone’s balcony. Each glimpse inside a window was fast, but I caught T.V.s, laundry on the line, units stacked tightly on top of each other like Legos, and AC units placed methodically on their corners. The buildings were narrow but tall and gray, and they seemed to stretch out as far as I could see.

     Upon reaching Camp Zama, the bust dropped us off at the Zama Hotel. From outside, it looked like any basic barracks building, but this one had a fancy walkway and a sliding door.

     Expecting everything to be cool, I walked up to the front desk, gave the lady our names, and asked for our reservations. She was a middle-aged Japanese woman, maybe some officer’s husband or just a civilian working on post.

     “Hmmm,” she said. “We weren’t expecting anyone else for the night. Names again?” She typed typed away, shook her head, and said that we weren’t in the system.

     If it’s flawless, it’s not the military. I placed a couple of calls and was told that the reservations were on us, which is bullshit because no one had told us shit at our home unit. Someone dropped the ball, but the front desk lady said that they still had rooms, so Dale and I booked them in hope of being reimbursed later.

     It was about 2200 hours, and even though we had the whole night to ourselves, we raided the food in the lobby and called it a night. Jet lag and all, we both needed rest. Had we known that we wouldn’t be getting shit for time off, we probably would have handled the night differently.

#

     We were picked up the following morning at 0600 by two soldiers to be escorted to Yokota Air Base for our one-day training before the mission. The soldiers were young women, one Sergeant, one Private First Class, of the African American selection.

     It was still dark when we left, and Camp Zama seemed to be a series of wet hills, glowing from the faded peach light of street lamps. They were driving on the left side of the road. Been a while since I had seen something like that. Every car on the road was compact, like purposely designed smaller and cubed for the layout of the city. Into 0700, the dark sky turned into a dull gray, making all the buildings resemble the same. Despite the crappy weather, I was still excited, for everything I saw was new.

     We asked our transporters how they liked Japan, and they said that they hated it. They didn’t like seafood, missed barbecue from back in the states, and even said that the people were rude.

     “You see,” said the sergeant. “If we looked like ya’ll, maybe it would be different.”

     After our training was done, the sergeant drove us back to Zama. In afternoon rush hour traffic, I noticed that she kept falling asleep behind the wheel. Cars honked behind her. Her eyes jolted open, and she honked back at them with a vicious snarl on her face.

     “My next duty station is Hawaii,” she said.

#
 
View outside my hotel room window. A rainy day in Japan.

     Facing our first night off, Dale and I walked outside the gate to explore what the surrounding areas had to offer. The gate was strictly a pedestrian gate. Convenient. The fenceline around post was enveloped by small houses and apartment buildings, literally surrounded by a community.

     The weather was still shit, even sprinkling on us. The air temp was in the mid forties, but we did okay in our light jackets. Dale had his gloves. Me, a beanie.

     One thing Klaude had said was to try Yoshinoya in Japan. That’s right. Rat Bowl, formerly named after its signature dish, Beef Bowl. And wouldn’t you know it, there was a Yoshinoya right at the corner once we reached the main street. Along the way, we had passed up a bunch of other small restaurants with picture menus, some with fake displays of their dishes.

     But we went into Yoshinoya since it was a “must do” according to Klaude. I worried about the language barrier. Luckily, there was only one other person inside eating. The cashiers greeted us in Japanese. I could only respond with a “hello.” The menu was intimidating, a huge list of kanji. Before I could show a mannerism that expressed my idiocy, the cashier returned with an English menu that was probably an eighth of the size of the Japanese menu. Dale and I pointed at the pictures.

     Just like that, the place went from dead silence to bustling with the locals who were on their lunch breaks. People line up behind us for to go orders. A man sat right next to me. When the food came out, I was shocked at the presentation. Nothing like SoCal. Bowls, no foam containers. Miso soup, sizzling beef on a hot plate, a separate bowl for rice, and a smaller one with a raw egg in it.
 
How Yoshinoya was intended to be...

     Then a new fear overtook me. I didn’t want to eat my meal wrong. No one was watching us, but I still felt like I was in everyone’s periphery. Once I heard the guy next to me slurping his noodles, I knew that I’d be all right.

     Within minutes, the place started clearing out. It was as if everyone had been on the same lunch schedule. With precision, customers were eating and leaving while Dale and I were only halfway through.

     When we were done, I thought about using one of Klaude’s phrases as I walked out the door. The cashiers said goodbye in Japanese. I chickened out.

Don't know the name of the street, but I was still fascinated.
Just another random
On the way back to base
 

     At dinner, we ventured further down the main street. Dale had done this same mission two years ago, so he recommended we find a sushi-go-round. With the exchange rate at 120 Yen per U.S. dollar, it was a little confusing to figure out how much we were actually spending.

     The workers must’ve been used to Americans because they sat us down right away in front of the go-round belt. They gave us hot towels before we started eating. Again, I didn’t want to fuck this up. A Japanese business man was sitting next to me. He may have glanced. I’m not sure. I wiped my hands with it and looked for the wasabi. There wasn’t any. I uncapped a ceramic bottle and found some green powder.

     “Here it is,” I said to Dale. We both put some in our soyu. He tasted his.

     “This is tea,” he said. He pointed out the faucets lining the table. That’s right. Little ones with hot water. The powder was fucking green tea.

     No wasabi. Was this the true Japanese way? Had America had it all wrong after all this time? The cuts of sushi were much brighter in color, like the tuna was an eye piercing red. It was hard to figure out the yellow tail from the salmon. The pictures didn’t help, but the quality was decent. Surprisingly, some of the dishes that are average back home were really good here, like the crab sushi. It was just fresher.

Doing some damage
 

     Dale kept eying the dessert that kept passing him on the belt. It was creamy and looked like soft serve. “I’m going for it,” he said. He grabbed the plate. “No spoon, huh?” He grabbed it with his chopstick and bit into it. It was solid. “That’s weird.” He touched it. It was a fucking display.

Creeping...

Salmon...?

     At the end, my bill came out to 2000 Yen, which is like $16 and some change. Who the fuck gets full off of sushi for sixteen bucks?

     The Japanese waiter smiled and said something in Japanese when we left. Timid, I cracked open my mouth and cleared my throat. I almost froze but managed to say, “Go-chi-sou-sama-desh-ita.”

     The dude smiled even wider and bowed twice.

     We debated on finding some dessert at another place, but we were immediately belted by the wind and sharp rain that stung our faces. Everyone on the street had umbrellas but us. I draped my hood. We headed back to the hotel.

#

     Two MPs escorted us the following morning to the mission site. One was six foot eight from Wisconsin, a former Cav Scout like myself, so we hit it off all right. His name was SPC Hodor. The driver was a skinny Black dude from Brooklyn who looked like Mos Def. So we asked them what they thought about Japan from their perspective.

     Shit, it was like night and day from what the female soldiers had said. Apparently, Roppongi is the spot to pick up a bird and wear her out. The bar and party district in Tokyo, it’s where the hip-hop clubs are.

     “But being in the Army sucks,” said Mos. He made us privy to the 0100 curfew and the no-chicks-in-the-barracks rule. “I’m a grown ass man, and we got all these rules.”

     Hodor talked about how he had only been in Japan since April, but that before the mission started, he had climbed Mount Fuji.

     They also enlightened us about something important about our destination. General Order #1 was in place. No alcohol, no going off post. Fuck me. . .

#

     We met the Mayor Cell Commander. Dale had worked with him before the last time he was here. Opening up the door to our barracks room, it was like walking back into World War II. The mattresses had cum stains from my grandpa’s generation. I mean, splotches and stains were everywhere. The bunk frames were rusty and covered in chipped paint. It was worse than Camp Roberts California, and that’s saying a lot.

Welcome to spooge town
But on a good note, we did have this bay to ourselves for almost the whole mission
 
     Around the post, we were still excited with our findings. It was a Japanese post, so JGSD soldiers were all over the place. They saluted us, to their mistake, but it was a nice gesture. We saluted back.

  
   There was a café that specialized in Curry and pasta dishes. The inside looked like an actual restaurant. There was also a ramen restaurant that was set up like a soup kitchen. Aside from the Japanese shops that had little Japanese doodads, the Family Mart was the best. It was like a Japanese convenience store. All kinds of little sushi and noodle dishes to eat, some hot off the heat lamp. Dale reached for a sushi triangle wrapped in seaweed. “These,” he said, “are so addicting.”

     Despite being restricted, we were stoked at the things we had at our disposal within the gates.
 
 
Prison:

     It took about four days of the same shit before we started getting tired of everything. Within the walls, everything got old. Fucking shitty ass wifi was the first problem. Army chow got depressing, especially eating elbow to elbow with a bunch of officers and senior NCOs. I began tearing up sushi triangles for lunch. We even created a spreadsheet, recording what each color was. My favorite was the shrimp with mayo.

Thanksgiving. Line up, nut to butt.
Life behind the walls
 
 
Wish it was this available in the states.
    We ate at the cafes. The curry was all right but not as crispy as I had hoped. Ramen was the shit though, like 550 Yen with fried rice, too. But even when we got off work early, there was nothing to do. It was go back to our cage of a room, wander around the shops, stare at your phone at the MWR while trying to connect to wifi, or eat.



 

The most happening place in town

     I didn’t even have enough privacy to whack off. Every night I’d round the magazine aisle in the Family Mart. The front cover had Japanese chicks scantily clad in bikinis. One had gigantic boobs. The magazines were shut in zip ties so you couldn’t open them unless you bought them. One night, I pried the pages loose. The pictures were naked drawings of chicks, a fucking comic book.

     Eventually, they opened up Friendship Hall where we were actually allowed to drink, but we had to do so in uniform, and we were encouraged to drink with the Japanese soldiers and make friends.

     I found myself here many nights out of boredom. The officers usually got the most torn up. After being surrounded by sausages within the first half hour, I would recall why I had left Active Army. I had been over it and I was over this now. Most nights, I had two beers and left.

20 sausages per 1 clam, excellent odds for any soldier
 

MWR:

     When they allowed us to take passes, National Guard and Reservists had a special stipulation. We weren’t allowed to take the train anywhere, still couldn’t drink, and we had to be escorted by a soldier who was stationed here.

     SPC Mos Def felt sorry for us, so he took us outside the base. I was stoked. Too bad he didn’t like Japanese food either, so we ended up at KFC.

     SPC Hodor took us out another night. Same with him. We ate at McDonalds.

     Although, fast-food quality in Japan is much better than the states. I’ve never had a double cheeseburger from Mickey D’s that tasted so good. I mean the patties actually looked fresh.
 
Downtown are around Camp Asaka

 
    I got to take one tour to Shinjuku Tower, but it was raining. Didn’t get much visibility from the top, but we got to eat ramen, ride the subway, and do some lightweight shopping. As cold and wet as it was, it was nice to get off base.

 




With a pack of loud Americans. The only way to travel.
How'd  you like to live here?



Monday Night Marauders:

     I put my soldier in for an Army Achievement Medal, and he got the motherfucker. That’s one good thing that I can say I accomplished this mission, made sure my soldier got an award. The Mayor Cell Commander told me I’d get a Certificate of Achievement. When the award ceremony was over, and I stood empty handed, I was later told by a Sergeant First Class that I’d be getting recognized in front of the Commanding General. The next day, I heard the applause from the small ceremony going on in the Mayor Cell. Bastards . . . I didn’t get shit.

     The MPs brought us to Yokota where we had to clear our paperwork for post-mission procedures. Once that was done, we had the rest of the night to ourselves before flying out the next day.

     Having privacy in my hotel room, I jacked off like three times in a row. Got rid of that duckbutter back up (DBB). And trust me, internet porn on your phone is a gawd damn luxury.

     After two hours, Dale was still knocked out. I called his room, which was right across from mine, to make sure he was getting up. He said he’d be ready in fifteen.

     At 1700 hours we proceeded out the gate. Curfew would be at 0100. Exhausted from the day’s events, and being safe not to end up lost before curfew, we placed our bets on sushi and beer somewhere in town. It would be a mellow ending to our trip. We could’ve made a right and ventured inside one of the restaurants, well lit like Tijuana bars, or walk further into town through the infamous Bar Row. We went straight.

     Bar row. . . Signs everywhere, teasing us, showing the names of their watering holes. All closed on a Monday night. The street was dark, straight up back-alley status, anal raping mode, where grown men get turned into little girls. We walked out of the narrow streets and made our way to downtown Fussa where there were more lights. There was a large store called Seiyu, pretty much a Japanese Walmart. We walked through there and looked at some stuff. Japanese girls walked around in short skirts. I guess they don’t fear the cold. People had their facemasks on. Not sure if they were sick or didn’t want to get sick. Didn’t find anywhere to eat. Dale found a Starbucks. Two Japanese chicks two tables down were speaking English but cursing profusely. Fuck this and fuck that. Fuck in every sentence that they spoke. Not sure what was up with that.

While Dale drank his coffee, I walked outside, ventured through the subway station, and did recon for more places to eat. The menus looked difficult, less American friendly than Camp Zama.

No sushi either. The night was looking pretty grim.

     The new plan was just to head back towards post and eat at one of the restaurants in front of the gate. It would be G.I. heavy, but there would be beer, so fuck it. Beer and dinner was all we really wanted in the first place. We came upon the Bar Row intersection once more.

     “Wanna check it out one more time?” said Dale.

     “Yeah. Why not?”

     We were still heading back to base anyway. Some of the neon lights were on now. In a cut between buildings, we noticed that the upstairs lights were on, a bar sign in front of it.


Mad sausages await

     “Wanna go in there?” I said.

     Dale looked at it, said nothing at first but gave in.

     We climbed the stairs, heard music as we got closer to the door, and walked inside. There was a disco ball. Spinning lights everywhere. The place was a small lounge with seats and tables on one side and a stereo and bar on the other. A Hispanic dude welcomed us. Not expected.
 
We were the two hawtest guys in there...

     Even though the place was empty, it was warm. There was a menu. They had beer. It felt good to take our jackets off. The Hispanic dude sat down with us, ordered us some beer from the waitress, and said he was a soldier who knew the owner. She was Filipina Peruvian from the Philippines, and she had her bar open that night to throw a Christmas party for her friends.

     The guy was from Bellflower, CA, so we hit it off. He told us where to go, where to eat, and where to get a legit massage, not a shady one.

     The owner, a small woman in glasses with short spiky hair, brought us our drinks and pointed to the food on the counter. “Get food if you like,” she said.

     I grabbed a plate and scavenged off of the trays of rice, pancit, and lumpia. I didn’t expect Filipino food tonight, but it was homemade with love. The owner said her name was Mama Lily. When I told her that I was Filipino and that Dale was half, she treated us as her own.
 
I like cool toilets
   
Her friends entered, and the place went from being empty to a karaoke sing off. Dale and I had about three drinks each, said we’d be back, and left to explore more.

    







Just two guys . . . waiting to get raped


 Dale really wanted a massage. When we couldn’t find the place that Mama Lily had suggested, we found ourselves underneath another bar sign called Club 7Seven 7Seven. We both looked at each other, now buzzed, and said fuck it.

I'm not gay. Really...
 
     Music blared out from the top of the stairs. Black light lit the stairwell. We pushed through the double doors, and a lone woman stood behind the bar, stools lined up in front. The place was dark, disco ball standard. An empty stripper pole stood in the corner, begging to be straddled by some butt cheeks. Dale and I sat down, got handed a menu, and everything was 500 Yen.
 
     On an empty Monday night we really didn’t give a shit. We were happy now, ripe with alcohol. Free of the prison, free from leadership and the military (kind of).
 
Again, the two hawtest

     The bartender’s name was Aiya, another Filipina. She was from Manila and now lived just outside of Fussa. After ordering our drinks, we picked her brain about Japan. She rented a two-bedroom apartment in Japan for pretty damn cheap. Dale asked about getting a massage, but she said that they were all shady “happy ending” places.


Cool bartender. Dorky customer.

     I don’t know how many drinks we had, but some Americans came in. They were cool as fuck. One of them gave me a Grape Optimo. It’s never tasted better.

     Aiya gave us directions for a Thai restaurant that’s open until 0600. Dale eyed a hookah on the shelf and said we’d be back.

     Shit gets a little blurry at this point, but the Thai restaurant was named Jeans. We climbed the stairs, again. Everything is upstairs and small, and . . . unsuspecting. The inside of Jeans was like being on a sail boat. There was a wooden boat wheel, all kinds of pins, license plates, and bar paraphernalia. A long table had six Japanese dudes fucking up some Thai Food. It was a small bar but the kitchen fit in just at the end of it. I ordered the tom yum noodle soup and Dale got some fried rice dish. Fuck, I wanted to take pictures of more shit, but I didn’t want to look like a fucking tourist. Each dish was 1500 Yen each, midnight prices, but fuck it. At that point, our Yen was like fucking Monopoly money. We didn’t give a shit. If anything, we were on a mission to exhaust our Yen.

An odd variety
I think I get the peace sign now.
 

     During our meal, they gave us two hot towels to wipe our faces with. Now that’s what I’m talking about. Afterwards, we did the same route again. Went back to Erica’s Bar where the Karaoke action was in full swing. Drunk Japanese and Filipino singing at its finest. “We are the world,” was being sung by a Filipina chick, and she sang each verse perfectly like the official music video. She looked like Peppermint Patty from Charlie Brown. I know for sure she got Bruce Springsteen's verse right.

     I offered to take pics for them, and then they wanted to take pics with us.

     Dale and I drank some more. Mama Lily brought out more pancit and lumpia. When the party left, her uncle Ricky was still chilling with us. He handed me the mic, and I couldn’t help but go Lionel Richie on them with “Hello.” Then Ricky wanted to do a duet to Spandau Ballet’s “True.” How could I say no?
 
The more I drink, the gayer I become.
Really lifted my spirits meeting these cool people. Uncle Ricky to the left and Mama Lily in the middle.

     With the party over, they welcomed us to hang out longer. Mama Lily kept bringing out the food hot, freshly warmed up again, but Dale and I had to go. We only had until 0100, and we still had more rounds to make.

     Back at Club 7Seven & 7Seven, there were more G.I.’s there. Aiya’s homeboy, who might have been Russian, was now working the bar with her. Some Japanese chicks started showing up.

     “The party usually starts around one,” said Aiya.

     Fuckin’ A. The Japanese are some straight up nocturnal peeps. The Russian put the hookah together, thus refreshing our buzz again. On alcohol and a massive head rush, Dale and I could only smile at each other and reflect on the trip.
 
When little things like hookah made a huge difference

     “It’s like the two-to-ten theory,” said Dale.

     “What do you mean?”

     He took another puff and exhaled an impenetrable cloud that floated out of his mouth. “Something I read about. Like if you took a trip to the dentist and had the option of choosing your pain at a scale from one to ten, say you chose your pain at five the whole time. It would be mild but bearable. So if we would have been able to go off of post the last three weeks, we would have been at a ‘five.’”

     “Okay,” I said, taking the hookah hose back. I put my mouth on the piece and inhaled.

     “But if you could have chosen level ten pain for the majority of the time in return for level two pain at the very end, it would be worth it.”

     I nodded.

     “So that’s our trip. We were at level ten the whole time that we were locked down, but right now we’re at level two. We weren’t able to do shit, but right now,” he reached for the hookah, “it’s totally fucking worth it.”

     Dale. He’s in my unit, not in my detachment but a fellow soldier who I serve with. A kid, really. We’ve never hung out, just small talk in the armory. But when he said his thing about the two-to-ten stuff, it made sense. There we were, having the best time of our trip, unfortunately the last night. Around us, music blared. Japanese chicks and American G.I.’s were playing a game of darts together. Aiya, our cool ass bartender, was drinking with some other guys at the end of the bar. The night was just starting. Other bars beginning to open, and yet, we were due on base in forty five minutes. It was already 0015 hours. Sitting there with smoke all around us, even just from of that one night, I knew that I'd miss him in this moment and that I’d miss Japan once we left.

     Dale found his massage parlor. It wasn’t a legit place.
 
Hate to leave when the party's just starting. 'Til we meet again, Japan...

     We stumbled through the streets on the way home, forced to piss in an alley. Sorry Japanese members of society, but we really had to piss. Hungry, we went to 7 Eleven. I bought my last sushi triangle and some chicken nuggets.

     After flashing our military IDs, the Japanese guards let us in the gate. We laughed all the way back to the hotel. Time 0045.

     I said goodnight to Dale and went to my room. Chowing down on a sushi triangle, I opened up my computer and searched for Spandau Ballet’s “True” on YouTube.

     When we left the next day, it snowed.


Last one for the road.